Mini Reviews

For the movies that didn’t make the cut.


2016

A Snow Capped Christmas (alternate title: Falling for Christmas)

This movie was terribly bland with the exception of Claire’s hilariously domineering figure skating coach. The main dude’s daughter is the worst and also named CHAMONIX (pronounced shamonny). All you need to know.

A Perfect Christmas

It’s not exactly fun watching a newlywed couple be super shitty at communication (he lost his job and doesn’t tell her; she’s pregnant and doesn’t tell him), while a huge family stuffs itself in a small house. Pass.

Christmas List

Gabriel Hogan is really likable as the local hunk, but none of this held my attention. Alicia Witt is always on the charm offensive in Hallmark movies, but I think I prefer her in more villain-y roles.

Dater’s Handbook

Really not great, you guys. I was disappointed because I thought Meghan Markle and Kristoffer Polaha had good chemistry, but ultimately,  this one was a dud.

Love in Paradise

Luke Perry is a national treasure. I really liked this movie; it was really sweet and natural, and Perry in cowboy boots and jeans really works for me. Also, this happens:

6

Love on the Sidelines

I literally skipped through this one. This poor woman gets treated as every dude’s dumping grounds for their shitty insecurities. I’d recommend watching Just Wright for some delicious Common/Queen Latifah love instead.

Married by Christmas (alternate title: The Engagement Clause)

I really wanted to recap this one, because it was so fucking funny and self-aware and features a real family that teases each other and drinks, but there was nothing to mock. 100% would recommend to watch. Also notable is an openly queer character, which means it’s obviously not Hallmark.


2015

A Christmas Truce

Only watch if you’re in a specific mood: the mood for special effects straight out of the theatre, incredibly distracting wigs, and shitty accents. Who wants to watch a war movie at Christmas!

A Gift Wrapped Christmas

Charlie was an on-screen snooze, Gwen was Kate Hudson + Meg Ryan levels of perkiness, and overall, it was cute enough.

Christmas Under Wraps

Hallmark favourite Candace Cameron Bure plays a spoiled brat for about 80% of the movie, completely baffled as to how real life, careers, and small towns seem to operate. Totally skippable.

Crown for Christmas

Maid in Manhattan meets The Sound of Music. There’s a delightfully conniving advisor to the throne, but otherwise, this one’s treacly sweet and uninspired.

Last Chance for Christmas

Surprisingly cute for a movie involving Mrs. Clause stealing a little girl’s reindeer. Tim Matheson cries at the end, which is hilarious.

The Flight Before Christmas

This movie literally reunites Carl and Harriet Winslow as loving, line-dancing inn owners and yet I can’t muster up any stronger emotions about the two leads and their weird chemistry.


2014

One Starry Christmas

There are so many ridiculous things that happen in this movie, like when her “travel companion” (a cowboy) wins over a city crowd by line dancing at their party, or when he sings with his brother at her family’s dinner table. But the most egregious scene is when her dumb cowboy beau rides a horse from New Jersey to New York to get her back. Chemistry was not good, you guys. Not good. That being said, it was entertainingly bad, so it’s definitely something to watch if you want a good laugh.

The Santa Con

This movie was crazy, but quite surprising at times. Barry Watson is weirdly funny at physical comedy, and I found myself laughing at some of his scenes. That being said, this movie got DARK with the portrayal of a father and husband struggling with alcoholism. Santa Con promised me Urkel and Sabrina the Teenage Witch, and never delivered!

The Tree That Saved Christmas

Cheesy. Unrealistic. Boring as fuck.


2013

Christmas on the Bayou

I cried at this one, you guys. Tyler Hilton killed it. The pageant scene got me every single I watched it. I actually kept this movie on my DVR for months, so I could re-watch certain scenes. See, I can be a softie. However, Randy Travis (as a shopkeeper) needs to rethink his regular teeth-bleaching, because those suckers blinded me in every one of his scenes.

Finding Christmas

Finding Christmas, you are not The Holiday (which is also objectively bad…but not as bad), so SIT DOWN. Everyone was so gross together and awful in this movie. It’s just so terrible and corny, I fast-forwarded through the whole thing.

Fir Crazy

This was a classic case of the right actors in the wrong movie. I don’t even remember watching it. Bonus Colin Mochrie, though.

Kristin’s Christmas Past

For a time travel plot, this was fairly shenanigan-free and cute enough, but left me cold. I might have teared up at one scene, but the ending was icky-sweet. The two leads are given approximately two scenes together, so there’s no investment in their story, but Shiri Appleby was pretty charming.

Window Wonderland

Not too shabby actually. Chyler Leigh and Paul Campbell had pretty cute chemistry together, which is harder to find in these movies than you’d imagine, but the storylines were paper thin. The chemistry barely held this one together for me.


2012

A Bride for Christmas

It’s not cute or funny or charming or clever. No. Just don’t do it.

Love at the Christmas Table

Very neat concept, taking place on the same day every year, but it just wasn’t the best. The leads are 10 years apart (which is fine, and I actually like that Kat was older than Sam), but it felt more like two buddies pretending to want more.

Merry In-Laws

There were elves and sneaky astronomer stalkers and lots of sleighs and Shelley Long acting extremely drunk. It was tiresome, the romantic chemistry was awful, and the main leads were just not great.

Naughty or Nice

I really like Hilarie Burton, but she couldn’t improve this lame script.


2011

A Christmas Kiss

Ugh, Elizabeth Röhm steals the show only because nobody else is likeable in this movie. The main dude was a straight up CREEP and legit gave me the willies. Save yourself.


2010

The Santa Suit

Honestly, kind of delightful in a bad way. Kevin Sorbo is a treat to watch and he provided endless laughs, but his love interest spent 100% of her time as a homeless shelter employee at the busiest, loneliest time of the year simply decorating her office for Christmas.


2008

A Very Merry Daughter of the Bride

Luke Perry plays a sneaky brother-in-law, which is disappointing, because he had more chemistry with Joanna Garcia than her actual love interest, the boring boy-next-door that wears ugly wool sweaters and takes nature photos. You do not waste Luke Perry; he is a treasure!


2007

Holiday Switch

I love a good do-over concept, but this one was fucking brutal. Nicole Eggert as Paula nailed the downtrodden wife really well, but then she’s SO HAPPY to live without her husband and kids, it left me with a bad taste in my mouth. I’m not supposed to root against the protagonist.