Not even Dean Cain could save this one.
Our heroine, Lindsay, is turning 25. She’s celebrating with friends and family, including her mom, younger brother Joey, friend Dave, and new colleague, Abby. She thanks them all for being there, blows out the candles, and promptly shuts herself in her room to write down her birthday wish. That’s right, every year since she was five, she has written down a wish for her birthday.
Joey asks Dave if he’s going to finally tell Lindsay how he feels. He doesn’t want to ruin the friendship, Joey! Dave goes off to find Lindsay to tell her that her guests are leaving the party (that’s what happens when the birthday girl disappears! Lindsay is like the Sims character that throws a party, and then falls asleep an hour later while the party slowly dies without her). He reads her birthday wish list aloud (weird) and stops at the last one:
Find my true love
Lindsay declares that from here on, all her wishes will come true and by the time she’s 30, she’ll be a top executive at an environmental firm, living in a big house with her true love.
Aaaand flash-forward four years and 362 days later. She’s working for some green corporation (which is the only reason she’s a Good Corporate Person because otherwise, the corporate world is terrible and soulless) as an administrative assistant with Abby. Lindsay gushes to her that she’s celebrating her six-month anniversary with her boyfriend Kevin that night.
Apparently, Lindsay has created this solar panel project idea that will SAVE THE WORLD, but her supervisor won’t give it any traction. Abby wants to go out dancing, but Lindsay’s like, good one Ab! I know my 30th birthday is in three days and Kevin’s been acting weird, so I’ll see you later wink wink!
Kevin’s been acting weird because he’s been boning down with someone else! Which she finds out by walking into his kitchen – expecting a surprise party – and finding them just kissing in the dark. In literally 10 seconds, Kevin swings from IT’S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE to WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY. That actor really made use of his limited screen time.
Now she’s unhappy with everything in her life – hair, bad vision, weight, love life, career – and moping around.
Let’s check in with Dave:
☑ A lawyer
☑ Still madly in love with Lindsay.
When Lindsay shows up to work, Abby gently reprimands her for dating the same type of dude: hot jerks. She mentions that Dave’s always in the picture, and Lindsay’s like, Dave? My Dave? I would never! Abby kind of accuses her of denying her true feelings. You had me and then you lost me, Abby!
Dave’s birthday present for Lindsay is to go outdoor rock climbing. With his girlfriend, Trish, there. She’s pretty freaked out and when it comes time to rappel down, Lindsay is terrified to Let Go (oooh, this is like a metaphor straight out of The Bachelor/ette!). He tries to help her descend, but something goes wrong and they both TUMBLE TO THE GROUND. Whoever’s on spotting duty is totally getting fired! They have a Moment on the ground, but quickly scramble apart because his girlfriend is still there.
What I neglected to mention is that WHILST ROCK CLIMBING, some dude who was rock climbing beside them (!!!) was like, “Dave? Dave Landry?” This guy, literally named Cliff, is some lawyer that wants to set up a meeting with him. How mysterious.
A bit later, Dave’s girlfriend tells him she’s ready for the “next step.” Moving in together? Getting a dog? Holding hands? We’ll never know, because Dave DUMPS HER IN THE PARKING LOT. Only slightly deterred by his horrible timing, she’s all, call me when you’re ready! My wish is that Trish discovers a deep well of self-love soon.
That night, Dave “jokes” to Lindsay that if she ever runs out of dudes, she can always turn to him. She’s like, oh Dave, you’re my best friend, and gives him a big hug while he sighs heavily over her shoulder. Dave was 100% waiting for Lindsay to end her relationship so he could do the same, right?
Wait, I think they both live on the same floor of apartments. If so, that is very handy for best friend business.
Oh, he threw her a surprise party. Lindsay is about to skip making a birthday wish, when every single person in the place is like, AW C’MON YOU GOTTA! She’s like, fucking calm down, none of my wishes have ever come true. And people are so up in her face about this and it’s so rude and humiliating to do this to a person, even if she has made this a spectacle about herself over the years, so she finally concedes and makes a wish after seeing some blank birthday card that mentions wishes coming true.
Her wish is for for all her wishes to come true. Bit selfish, if you ask me.
OMG, you guys, when she goes to burn her wish list (for dramatic purposes), her writing goes all silvery and there’s twinkly magic sounds and it doesn’t burn up!
So basically, she wakes up the next day and every single wish she’s made since the age of five comes true:
- Joey shows up with chicken pox (but has to stay with her)
- A puppy gets left on her doorstep
- She loses five pounds
- A giant dollhouse is delivered to her apartment
- She gets a promotion at work
- She suddenly has perfect vision
- Her parents are getting back together
- Her childhood crush, Billy Maddox, has contacted her
Everything’s coming up Milhouse!
She reveals to Joey that all her wishes are coming true, and he’s surprisingly on board with this theory. Dave is very skeptical until she wins a charity sweepstakes grand prize (another one of her wishes, obv). They can’t believe it!
Later, she goes on a shopping spree a la Pretty Woman, and gets saved from a car hitting her by a guy dressed as Prince Charming. He’s actually just a denture cream guy doing a commercial, which made me laugh. Getting saved by Prince Charming: check!
So, Lindsay and Abby go out to a club to celebrate her good fortune because nobody in these movies act terrified by obvious black magic. She sees DEAN CAIN (!!!) as himself, and tells him that it was one of her birthday wishes to get a kiss from him. He obliges good-naturedly, since it is her birthday, but then creepily insists on kissing both cheeks (not like that, perv).
Time goes very fast and slow in this movie, and her actual birthday day seems to last for approximately three days, so just go with me. I think it’s the day before her birthday here. She’s hanging out with Dave, who is perusing the wish list. Apparently, 15/25 of her wishes have come to fruition so far. He thinks it’s just a coincidence. She excitedly tells him that she and Billy have been IMing (sorry, but you’re 30 and those are such embarrassing words to say aloud).
Okay, so she moves into the sweepstakes dream house, only to realize it could fit five families. And the prize car is a gas-guzzling, environmentally-unfriendly SUV. The horrors! Lindsay can’t believe that her golden luck has a downside, but not really, because she can just sell the SUV and make serious bank.
I think it’s her birthday now.
She meets up with Billy Maddox, who CANNOT BE LESS THAN 45 YEARS OLD. He is so fucking old compared to the actress playing Lindsay that the casting director must’ve just been out to sea when this decision happened. It makes NO sense. I have no problems with an age gap between two romantic leads, but these two were supposed to have gone to high school together. This dude was going grey when she was in the womb. ANYWAY.
Within a minute, he is creeping her out because this black magic has caused him to have this blind obsession with her, even though they haven’t talked in 10 years. She tries to tell him that it’s impossible for him to have real feelings for her, and finally decides to leave when he doesn’t get it. Ugh.
On her way out, she gets into this ridiculous fight with another driver over a parking space, wherein they dress each other down (he thinks she’s a jungle-burning demon for driving an SUV, and she thinks he’s a faux-hippie for driving a hybrid and WHOOOO CAAAAAARES). It’s obvious they’re going to bone down at some point, so just Get. To. It. The scene ends with Lindsay becoming completely incompetent at parallel parking the SUV, so thanks for encouraging that stereotype, movie.
Now that she’s got some seniority, Lindsay pushes the solar panel project to her boss. He agrees to let her present the project to management and investors at Friday’s meeting. One of the investors is revealed to be Reed, HYBRID-DRIVING DUDE. She’s humiliated, but determined to get her project through. However, she needs to get it pre-approved by some manager the next day. In order to do so, she’s got to get her shit prepared with Dave. They agree to meet up for dinner/brainstorm sesh. Great, I love watching people work!
She runs into Reed in some restaurant for lunch. Did she have a breakfast date with Billy? THIS IS THE LONGEST DAY ALREADY. He flirts with her, she receives it well, and they decide to have lunch together. They’re both feeling it, so he invites her to a charity gala that night. Just as she’s about to accept, fucking Billy shows up. This is so scary! He might as well pee all over Lindsay to mark his territory in front of Reed, as she tries to assert that they are not together. He followed her, you guys. All morning long, apparently. Reed’s put off by this apparent drama, and leaves, but she runs after him to set him straight. She accepts his gala invitation, but then remembers Dave. He invites Dave along too, explaining she doesn’t have to stay long.
Meanwhile, Dave is confiding to Joey that Tonight’s the Night. He’s finally going to tell Lindsay how he feels, after more than five years.
(Oh, by the way, Lindsay still has the puppy and hasn’t even given it a name.)
The shine to her wishes is starting to come off; her dad is now living with her, since moving back in with her mom didn’t pan out like he thought. So even though it’s been ONE DAY since they decided to reunite (while they were both in Mexico, ON VACATION, at their joint-owned timeshare, BTW), he has since sold or moved out of his place and is now homeless. Make sense to you? Great.
STILL THE SAME DAY. Dave’s at her house, but declines the gala invitation. He’ll stay home and do the work for her, even though it’s her fucking project. He helps zip up her fancy gala dress, which is always a ripe mine for romance and sexual tension in movies, but leaves me cold as ice. He’s about to tell her, but chickens out at the last minute.
At the gala, Reed brings her to some outdoor terrace, which is super gorgeous. However, this was apparently filmed when it was -10C, because you can see their breath and she’s barely covered up and it leaves me chillier than the last scene. He’s about to kiss her, but gets interrupted by plot device. Back inside, she catches him staring at her and he says, “I’m just looking” (ew!). He’s apparently making his own wish, but a) it ain’t your birthday and b) that’s just creepy, dude. They kiss.
I will note that Reed has some years on Lindsay as well. But it makes sense because he’s an older, established dude (who, I never mentioned, has a highly lucrative chain of green dry cleaning businesses, which has to be a massive drug front, IMO) and not played as her age-equal.
Since he has to fly out to Boston the next day, she asks for him to stay for a bit longer, so she can make him a home-cooked meal the next night. Nooooo! Lindsay, it is your goddamn birthday, you deserve to hit it and quit it. He calls her a limo to take her home (how eco-friendly), and agrees to stay another night.
Is it still her birthday? I feel as old as Billy now.
Back at her house, Dave has prepared a beautiful pasta dinner with wine. They have a gross moment where they both slurp their pasta, laughing. But then she unknowingly ruins his life (again) by telling him she thinks Reed is Mr. Right. It’s been one daaaaaaay. Dave has had it by now, and one-ups her perceived treachery by revealing that Cliff (rock climbin’ lawyer) has offered him a job in New York City, but that he “had to see about something here first” before deciding to move.
OMG, Dave is totally Felicity.
Even though they still need to prepare for tomorrow’s project review, he busts out old childhood photos of them together. She remarks that Abby always takes the best pictures of them, and that she says they’d make a great couple. Dave has been presented with an opening if there ever was one, and asks if she’s ever thought of them together. She says they’ve known each other so long, they’re practically related.
We never see them prepare for her presentation, and furthmore, Lindsay is LATE for the pre-presentation meeting (with absolutely no reason as to why). The head boss is there and instructs her that they need to see very quick profits on this project or else it won’t fly. Dave estimated it would take three to five years, but Boss Man wants it in one! He dangles a carrot in front of her: if her presentation goes well on Friday, she’ll get promoted to president of products division (which would fulfill her wish of being the first female president…in some capacity).
First of all, for a company that has seemingly become very Corporate, it loves just throwing promotions around willy-nilly. Why isn’t poor Abby being promoted? Second of all, with the exception of that one passionate plea in the boardroom, Lindsay seems to be very much All Talk No Action about this solar panel project because we only see her stress about it, but never actually work on it. At all.
That night, she gets home too late to prepare that special home-cooked meal for Reed. Her dad’s a slob, and she doesn’t know how or what to even cook, so she makes Joey to order pasta from some gourmet place.
It’s Dave. He needs to use her printer to finish up work on HER project. She lets him in and he basically smooches the Dog with No Name for a solid minute.
It’s Billy. He’s come to apologize for being a creep, BY BEING CREEPY. She begs Joey to hide Billy in his room, instead of calling the fucking police.
It’s Reed. He doesn’t like or smooch the pooch.
Wow, I want to get my delivery from that pasta place, because the gourmet pasta has been delivered within MINUTES. Reed compliments her huge mansion and delicious meal. He likes a woman that can cook, because he’s an idiot that can’t tell when a kitchen clearly hasn’t been used. When she slurps her pasta down half-jokingly, he is equally grossed out as I am. They talk shop and she mentions that approval of her project now hinges on fast profit, something she cannot guarantee, I assume because she has taken zero lead on her own project. He takes her paperwork and makes three jot notes and now he’s done fixing her little problem. Is an investor even allowed to do this? Why do I care?
Reed asks Lindsay to accompany him to Boston for the weekend, following her presentation. You’ve known her a DAY. Literally a day. She has to think it over, but then the shit hits the fan when, while they’re dancing to slow jazz, Billy creeps downstairs to stare at them. Lindsay spots him, and excuses herself to deal with him (Reed has no idea that four dudes are in the house as well), but this lasts all of five seconds before Reed finds them and wants to know what the hell is happening, just as Dave enters.
Billy accuses Lindsay of dating all the dudes (family excluded) and flounces out. Dave and Reed are finally introduced, but this is a really fucking weird situation that Lindsay doesn’t even try to explain, so Reed bails.
The next day, Dave is acting very distant with Lindsay. She hints to him, about a minute before the meeting, that some things have been slightly tweaked with the presentation (as per Reed’s suggestions). He doesn’t seem to be listening. She then corners Reed to apologize for all the shenanigans. He’s cool with it.
We don’t even see more than five seconds of Lindsay’s presentation, but we do see Dave slipping a birthday gift in her bag, and being VERY disappointed by her sudden focus on quick profits. She has promised the investors, and her bosses, that they should see profits within a year. Umm, have fun with that.
Even though they’ve known one other ONE AND A HALF DAYS, Reed presents Lindsay with a heart necklace (one of her dumb wishes). Why is every dude in this movie the worst?
Dramaaaaaa! Dave is PISSED. He accuses her of changing herself and her priorities, or something. He tells her he thought she was The One (that’s not her fault, dude) but that he finally has to move on. As he’s about to leave, he very scarily says, “I’ve got something very important to do,” just as the elevator door shuts. Is Dave going to kill someone?
Lindsay is surrounded by disgusting men.
She comes home to Joey hanging a sad banner congratulating her on getting the promotion. Joey, I will mention, actually nails the bored younger brother thing very well. She is even sadder when she gets a letter from the IRS, advising her that she will be taxed heavily on the SUV and house, even though it just happened four days agooooo. That IRS employee was on top of their shit that day.
Oh yeah. Dave’s gift is just a digital photo frame with pictures of them together, which is anticlimactic because he blew his load early by showing her, and us, these photos already. Whatever. He also left her a dumb note, saying that she doesn’t need her wishes because she has everything to make her happy. Dude, let her come to that conclusion on her own.
She meets Reed at the airport (remember, she’s going away for an entire weekend with a stranger, one that has already bought her a very expensive gift). He presents her with a little birthday cake, but she realizes that she can’t make a wish because all her dreams have came true. Also, it’s not even your birthday anymore! Wait, is it? This timeline is worse than LOST’s.
Lightbulb! Her last wish to be fulfilled – finding her true love – was fulfilled, because her true love is Dave! Sucks to be Reed. She actually tells him that he’s everything she wished for, but that she was wishing for the wrong guy all along. She never returns the heart necklace, which is both badass and rude, so I have conflicted feelings about that. Then, she tells him to inform her boss she’s QUITTING! The corporate world just isn’t for her! Damn, Lindsay. You could’ve just rejected the promotion.
Reed: “Where are you going?”
Lindsay: “To the guy I never wished for!”
Billy? Just kidding, Billy should be in jail but it’s probably not his fault that she’s been messing with the dark arts.
She takes a cab all the way out to the outdoor rock climbing place, where Dave’s about to start climbing the cliff with Cliff. She tells him that she didn’t need those wishes to make her happy, and that he’s been her Mr. Right all along! Dave is like, are you fucking serious, I’m moving on! He scrambles up the rock face, leaving her behind.
Just as he thinks he’s talking to Ol’ Cliffy beside him, it’s revealed to be Not-Cliff: it’s LINDSAY! Climbing higher than she’s ever climbed before (that one time)! She tells him she’d climb mountains for him, literally! Ugh. Having forgotten years and years of pining and oblivious rejection, Dave now feels hopeful.
Dave: “You ready to let go?”
They leap into the unknown! Or, just safely down a few feet (unless that negligent spotter is drunk behind the ropes again).
Jump to: WEDDING DAY. The Dog with No Name is there. Dave shows Lindsay a creepy blank card that says “May all your wishes come true” on some table. They decide to chuck it out, and then they force everyone to start dancing with them.
The nameless dog steals the card out of the trash can! I hope he wishes to actually get a name, and find better owners.
This movie was seriously not great. It had a very thin premise already and the actors were just super bland all around. None of these idiots did anything good. Lindsay was flighty as fuck, Dave couldn’t tell her how he felt and had that weird male vendetta against her, and everyone else was flat and useless. The only good thing about it was that the Kitten Bowl aired right after. Hilariously, IMDb reviewers and commenters alike really did not like this movie, which is surprisingly rare for Hallmark movies.
Top IMDb Comment:
The scene at the end where the doggie put a mysterious note in the trashcan was bewildering.